Barry White will get your lady in the mood // Some rights reserved // Nationaal Archief
Marriage not what it used to be? Just not happening in the boudoir? All is not lost, dear reader. Other than the herbal remedies found in the vending machines of pub toilets, there's a new aphrodisiac on the scene.
Researchers at Goldsmith's University in London, UK, have discovered that having the right bedroom soundtrack does in fact help set the mood, in fact, it's as important as your physique, which is damn lucky for a lot of you sorry looking chaps.
Spotify teamed up with the university to see how its streaming service may be of assistance in the bedroom, and the results showed that certain songs and artists were particularly popular with men and women, with 40% of people saying that music was more arousing than touch.
It would have to be pretty good music for that to be the case...
The research saw a number of people being asked if there were any songs they thought were better than sex, and the number one response was 'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen, with a number of other Queen songs also featuring highly on the list.
Other songs deemed to be better than sex included 'Sex on Fire' by Kings of Leon, which is a song about oral sex and driving, and 'Agadoo' by Black Lace, which we can only assume was down to an administrative error.
Dr Daniel Müllensiefen, senior lecturer in the Department of Psychology at Goldsmiths, and co-director of the Music, Mind and Brain course, said:
“This new research reveals that listening to music is now considered just as important in the bedroom as other more animalistic sensations such as sounds, touch and smells, demonstrating that the connection between intimacy with a partner and music is as strong as ever.”
Quite. Although that still doesn't explain why Black Lace made it onto the list.
If, as a musician, you are looking to take advantage of this research to create your own commercially viable 'sex music', then typical traits of the popular romantic songs were revealed by respondents as being 'tender', 'cheerful', 'low-key' and 'happy'.
Old favourites such as Marvin Gaye and Barry White featured highly on the list of 'best artists/songs for seduction'.
The demographic of the study hasn't been published, but the list of songs deemed 'better than sex' reads like a 'how-to guide' for seducing people who don't get out much:
The full list of songs or getting you 'in the mood' is on the next page, although anybody who has a dairy allergy is advised to not to click onto the next page, as it contains a severe amount of cheese.
I guess I've been trying to recreate a Korg Electribe all this time..